Let your child know:

• that you are pleased that they have told you
• that you believe them
• that it is not their fault and you are sorry it has happened
• don't trivialize it. Take it seriously because bullying and harassment can have serious long-term consequences.

Do encourage your student to contact the most appropriate person at the school.

If it is happening in a class then they need to tell that teacher or the head of the department.

If it is happening in the playground then they need to tell the play-yard monitor teacher, counselor or guidance officer, or the anti-bullying or anti-harassment officer (peer or staff)

You may want to call the school to check that your child has spoken to someone about the problem.

It is important to

• Listen to your child and make it clear that it is not their fault.
• Talk to other parents, or a support group, about strategies that might help.
• Raise the issue of bullying with your child’s school. Find out what the school intends to do and what the current bullying policy is. If not satisfied with the actions of this school, make this clear to the relevant authorities.
• Help your child develop strategies to deal with the bullying. These include communication skills and assertiveness.
• Encourage the implementation of these strategies. Help them to find ways to change things - help them to see what they can change.
• Become aware of your own reactions.
• Your child should not be expected to handle bullying on their own.

In bullying situations, there typically is an imbalance of power, so expecting kids to handle it themselves is usually not reasonable or helpful.

Alternate strategies:

Help them understand:

There are lots of reasons why people bully.

• Bullying is a behavior, it is something people learn.
• Bullies may also be bullied themselves, or they were bullied at one time or another in their lifetime.
• People bully because it makes them feel superior to others. They might get power and strength from bullying others.
• People bully to get attention. They think that it makes them popular, or that bullying may be a way to fit in. Bullying doesn't make someone popular or cool, it just makes them mean.
• People who bully are often scared about something about themselves, so they try to scare others to hide their feelings or pick on others so they won't get picked on first.
• People who bully are unhappy and they take out their unhappiness on others. People who bully feel little or no responsibility for their actions, and often feel the need to control others and may always feel the need to win.
• People who bully may be jealous of the people they are bullying.
• People who bully are unable to understand and appreciate the feelings of others. People who bully always choose the one person they know they can win against (basically bullies are chickens).
• People who bully are excellent observers of human behavior.
• People who bully use 'differences' to make victims feel badly about themselves, such as "You're ugly, stupid" etc. as an excuse for their bad behavior. It's not the 'difference' in the victim that's the problem - it's the bullies who have the problem because they are afraid, jealous, envious, cruel, angry, insecure, and unhappy.

Remember, it's our "differences" that makes us special and unique. You should be proud of who you are. Don't let people who bully take that away from you. Don't give people who bully that power over you.

Even though people who bully cause a great deal of pain for others, they need help too. If they do not learn how to change their behaviors, they usually end up in trouble with the law. By age 24, 60 percent of people who were childhood bullies have at least one criminal conviction. People who continue to bully have many other problems as adults who show more alcoholism, antisocial personality disorders and need for mental health services.

Some people who bully may not even understand how wrong their behavior is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.

The best defense against a person who bullies is to LIKE YOURSELF, be CONFIDENT in YOURSELF, and DONT LOOK LIKE A VICTIM. You should never try to beat people who bully at their own game. You can't bully someone who bullies into not being a bully. If you need help, tell an adult you know and trust. It is hard to solve such problems on your own.

• Encourage your child to report bullying incidents to you or another familiar adult.
• Let your child know that he has made the right choice by reporting the incident(s) and assure your child that he is not to blame.
• Validate your child's feelings by letting him know that it is normal to feel hurt, sad, scared, angry, etc.
• Help your child be specific in describing bullying incidents.
• Ask your child how he has tried to stop the bullying.
• Coach your child in possible alternatives. Avoidance is often the easiest strategy to try first. Play in a different area or play a different game.
• Stay near a supervising adult. Look for ways to find new friends.
• Support your child by encouraging him to extend invitations for friends to play at your home or to attend activities.
• Involve your child in social activities outside of school.
• Encourage your child to continue to talk with you about all bullying incidents.
• Do not ignore your child's report.
• Do not advise your child to physically fight back. Bullying lasts longer and becomes more severe when children fight back. And physical injuries often result.
• Do not confront the child who bullies.
• Do not confront the family of the child who bullies.

While it may seem that many of these suggestions put a lot of responsibility on the “victim” of bullying, it is important to help children who may be vulnerable to being bullied to develop strategies for self-safety first, and deal with the bullies after that.